Grief, Glory, and Guacamole

Florida Herrons May, 2018

To my friends who have shared this little blog with me over the past ten years, thank you!

There's a part of me that has been avoiding writing lately because I didn't know where to start. My heart has been heavy this year.

Moments where you stop and pray; But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. (ESV Psalm 3:3)

So, as I begin to blog again I feel the need to clarify something; transparency is not my goal here. I hesitate to focus on simply being transparent because it's important for me not to shortchange the TRUTH of God's word and lordship over my life. Another head-nodding in affirmation is nice but I need Jesus. I need the power of His word.

My aim is to glorify the Lord and tell of His faithfulness. After all, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (ESV Ephesians 2:10)

photography mother and daughter mothers day black and white candid

Here are my ramblings on how I missed the mark and how good the Lord is.

He is ever so patient. Just like catching up with an old friend, here we go.

I came across these pictures that my sweet friend, Amy Ramsaran took for us about a month before we moved from our five-year-church-planting-adventure in Pembroke Pines, FL. I figured I would start with a little catching up.

Amy has a tremendous talent for capturing memories and I am so grateful for her generoisty. Did I mention her patience? It's like herding cats to get all three children in one frame. She creatively captured likely one of the most transformative times for our family.

Seeing palm trees and that familiar park makes this sentimental heart of mine start aching. I was reminded just last week that as a believer, it's not healthy for us to dwell on the past or to be too future-minded. Dwelling in the present, learning from the past, and having hope in God's plan for the future is a very challenging discipline for someone like me.

Maybe the best word is grief. We said so many goodbyes. I tried authentic guacamole and now I'm spoiled. We just truly miss so many aspects of what we used to call home. God strengthened our evangelism muscles and now I feel like we are in marathon training. Two different races. Two different harvests. Two different fruits. Yet, God doesn't change.

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.(ESV, Psalm 90:12)

In the middle of the grief I have to remind myself of my purpose. Jesus put it best.

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." (ESV, Matthew 22:37)

Through the grief we are experiencing, we don't want miss seeing God's glory in the present. The temptation arises to believe that those years were more significant. What a lie! Then, I sense God's Spirit pulling me back the reality of todays significance and purpose. He reminds me to be thankful. So much grace.

This is the day the the Lord has made so let's rejoice and be glad in it for His glory. (ESV Psalm 118:24)

It's so easy to be fooled that life is all about me. Help me, Rhonda! (Beach Boys... anyone? haha)

"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." (ESV 2 Corinthians 3:18)

He deserves the glory. Always.

We never anticipated moving back to Tennessee. We are honored to be here. One year has already flown by. Is it football time yet? Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week because that's when we have our community group. Our children are on what we call "level ten" with their volume and energy. They constantly peek out the front window to see who else is coming to the door and what treats they're bringing. We seek the wisdom of God's word together. We laugh until we cry. Our testimonies overlap. The sweetness of the encouragemnet we receive is only because of Jesus. We sometimes meet until almost midnight because the conversations are so natural. We pray together. It's heavenly.

We treasure time with family. You can't beat Mamaw's cooking, Mom's view and perspective, trips to Dollywood with Grandaddy, and Granna's peaceful backyard. Yet, this year has been muddied with unexpected challeneges. Messes. L I F E. My first words most mornings are, "Help me, Lord."

I sensed God asking me yet again, "Do you trust me? Is your trust in me?"

For example, you've had that year where everything breaks. We'd almost forgotten the joys of homeownership and how something always needs fixin'. We prayed for a washer and dryer for four months and through God's grace, (and a lot of soggy clothes and a wet garage) our friends Krystal and Scott had an extra one. So, we now praise God for two new spiffy machines that work like a charm! I can still hear Jude and Laurie's feet jumping with excitement and praies. We also prayed for a babysitter for six months and our same friend, Krystal generously offered to help us. To top that, these same friends even moved into our neighborhood.

Again, the temptation is to focus on all the problems. Maybe I just need to be more ~~positive~~... maybe it isn't about me. What if it's about meeting the guy who fixes our roof and sharing Jesus with him? Maybe it's about the little lady next-door who gave me the extra egg. How can I worhsip the Lord in my times of need? How can I praise Him in my time of need?

Time and time again we saw God's faithfulness in Florida and He just keeps showing Himself. I blogged pretty consistently (life before three kids) while we were in that sunny state so, I look forward to rediscovering His goodness. My heart can't move forward until I remind myself of just how God changed my heart and mind. Isn't that what the Isralites did over and over again through the Old Testament?

He warmed my heart in those cold places of selfishness, bitterness, anger, jealousy, greed, hopelessness, and faithlessness... to name a few. Oh, and the work is definitely not over! I desperately need His Spirit in me. It's only by His Spirit that I can love, have joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self-control (Galations 5:22-23)

So, where do I even begin?

I could tell you about...

how Blake and I took a step toward trusting the Lord in our marriage

how God transformed other marriages around us

the snakes and alligators

the way God spoke through his creation

Blanca and Ephrian

sharing life with people who didn't know God loves them

house church

sand, humidity, and sun 24/7

how God provided three different church locations (and how we got kicked out of two)

how God answered my prayers