On My Heart The Past Three Months

Hello friends! Oh, how I've missed evenings spent writing and keeping record of our ordinary days! There have been so many sweet moments sharing life with friends and family that I haven't taken the time to record over the past few months. So, I'm going to do my best and get them all out tonight. RIGHT NOW. I have a lot going on in my head that I need to get out. Life. Has. Been. B. U. S. Y. (I don't like that phrase, not one bit) It's not a good excuse for many things since we always seem to find time for what we think is most important. Honestly, life has been and continues to be so sweet. The reason I can recognize the sweet is because there's moments of bitter too. I feel like God has given me a spirit of peace and thankfulness when I'd usually be kicking and screaming with complaints and worry. Some days I still worry and complain but there's so much to be thankful for. We have each other. We have a house to live in, a beautiful little man named Jude, peace within our marriage, jobs, a family of friends that is growing, and food on the table.

So, Desire Church? You see, the phrase "church plant" sounds all fancy but really, it's just a family of believers that started meeting in homes and now we have a school to meet in! It's amazing. It's also HARD WORK. Trying to literally start from the ground up is taxing mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. However, this is where we are supposed to be. Pembroke Pines, Florida of all places. This chapter in our lives couldn't be more unique. We are so thankful for our pastor and his family! What a blessing it is to hear sound teaching. It always puts a smile on my face to hang out with Mistie, Jerel, and the boys. These are the days we'll miss in the future. Hearing about the most recent gator sighting, the ugly buzzard ducks that laid eggs in their back yard, and the most recent injury. Boys. There's lots of little and big boys in our church. Boys that will be leaders!

Sweet Jude :)

I wasn't kidding about gator sightings. Meet "Chomp" the gator who was in the lake in our back yard.

In the midst of all the busy days, penny pinching, long nights with a sick toddler... oh, the peace God has given us. It's only from Him, that's for sure. This verse has been rocking my world. Philippians 4:6-7 says...

God has really changed my heart on the word "worry." I've tasted it. I've celebrated it. I've worshipped it. I've given in to it. I've seen it in our marriage and other relationships. Before we moved here, you could say I was in love with worry. I was really good at it. I could make up things to worry about even if there was nothing. It was my hobby...hah! Worry says, "you can't trust God." Worry also says, "you can't trust anyone but yourself... sometimes, not even yourself." I worried constantly about how God was going to provide for us to move to Florida, how we would find jobs, a place to live, everything. It's a wonder that my hair didn't fall out from worry! I saw how my worry infected Blake. It infected everyone close to me. I literally saw it spreading like a sickness. Blake's spirit was crushed, his heart was broken, and he felt like he was always wrong because my worry weighed him down. I think that our worry breaks God's heart too. God, our loving father and stoic groom, longs to provide for us and give us all that we need in His timing. I was so tired of being the whining, worrying child who was so focused on myself that I couldn't see past my circumstances. I blamed God for my circumstances and my lack of faith overwhelmed me. Somewhere along the 900 mile drive down here... I had to lay it at His feet. LAY IT DOWN. Forgive me, Lord! I felt the release and entrapment of wooooorrry. Praising Him still!

There will always be some sort of challenge or obstacle in this life; it's how we choose to deal with it. Sure, you've probably heard that before but to give up worry, it means everything! For the majority of my life, I haven't put full confidence in God's character and in His promises! It takes discipline, time, effort, and God's grace to believe and have faith in WHO HE SAYS HE IS! Even when I don't feel God or feel His promises, I must trust and stand firm in what His word says because I have nothing to offer. I can't do it. How exciting.

We have learned a new dependence on God and His grace to bring us through this season in our lives. Who are we to ever... EVER think that we can do life on our own? God has continued to provide in so many creative ways, it's humbling to see him move! For example, He provided the financial support we needed to purchase all of our sound equipment just in time for Easter. Praises! He has also provided musicians/friends to make up our band. (We're currently praying for him to provide a van haha, I'll keep you posted) He's provided so many unique friends that ALL have divine purposes in our body of believers. I like to think of each person walking through the doors as the next "somebody." They already are "somebody" but maybe they're the next children's minister, volunteer, teacher, encourager, hugger... you know? It's like watching God bring each person through our doors by hand, saying, "I can't wait to use you!" We're in the process of recognizing each person's gifts and helping them find a place to serve, get plugged in, and we get to just live life together! I'm grateful that God has given me a sense of purpose and direction in this season of life. I get to be a wife, mom, friend, sister, encourager, singer, cookie maker, and hugger! haha...

I sit and look around the room at these new faces that God has brought into our lives and at times, I'm brought to tears. Ever since Jude was born, I could just cry every day about something good... or bad. My heart just explodes, I can't help it! (thank you Jude) There's just so much diversity in our church and it's been a true joy to witness it!

Blake is one hardworking man! He is overwhelmed at times with tasks like building a website, building road cases, graphic design, making and recording videos, piecing together our band, picking out music, writing new songs, researching sound equipment, and all the while working 40 hours a week at Lowe's. He is busy! It's a joy but man, it brings a new type of tired at the end of the day. A good tired, you know the one. He is learning and gaining a lot of unique experiences! God knows what He's doing. I try to support mister Blake in whatever way I can. Sure, sometimes I don't feel like it and I'm selfish but gosh he's working so hard I'm just glad to be on his team and help out! I think all our husbands need support; encouragement, affection, a little note in their lunchbox... whatever works! Pray for them! The hard part of this whole Florida adventure for me is honestly, loneliness. I'm trying to be patient as we slowly but surely build community. Plus, since I'm now a mom, it is quite different trying to maintain friendships when I don't have the same amount of quality time as I did before Jude. Jude is a joy though! Phone dates have become my favorite to catch up with friends in Tennessee, Texas, and everywhere else. Yes, I have many amazing women around me and I'm so thankful for the time we have together. I know it takes time and effort to build community so I'm praying for patience and direction. I have also been praying for young mommy friends. Sometimes you just need a mommy friend who is also changing diapers and facing temper tantrums every day. You know? After praying for a few months, God brought some new friends into my life!

You see, Katie is married and has two boys named Lincoln and Liam. A while before she moved here, we started praying about me watching her boys. As it turns out, that's exactly what I feel God wanted me to do sooo during the week I have two new little rascals running through my halls. (one crawls haha but you get the point) We read Bible stories, do a craft, play with Play-Doh, learn songs, practice letters, make cookies, and make a lot of messes! It's so much fun! Meet Lincoln and Liam. Oh, that's the neighborhood cat!

God not only provided a little extra income for us but a new family for us to grow with! I also have to tell you about Lee, Liz, Kelly and Aria! Lee and I met in my back yard because she came to stay with her sister who lives next door. I'm in tears as I type about her because she visited for seven weeks and is now back in Iowa...but she'll be back soon! Lee moved here for a short period because her mother is battling cancer. Please pray for her sweet momma. She's a military mom married to a military man and they have two precious little boys. They are trying to move to Florida so all of their belongings are in storage, they have to spend periods of time apart from each other since he's in active service, and she's a mom! We met and were instant friends. Just like me, she's a believer, misses her old friends, her family, her stuff, her husband, her old Bible study group, and her routine. God allowed her into my life for a short time and I'll never forget our afternoons playing with her two boys, my three, and her sister's girls. She helped me rest assured that the toddler faze won't last forever and she gave me so many good laughs as we related to each other about marriage, kids, and the everyday joys and stresses of life. I can't wait for her to come back!

Then, there's Liz and Aria. Liz is a new friend of mine that I met on the playground. I spend a lot of time on that playground haha! Liz babysits a little boy that lives close by and she's in school to become a social worker. She's just so spunky and fun! Our conversations are the best because she's also a believer!! Also, Aria and Kelly are more neighbors whom I've enjoyed getting to know. Kelly and Aira both have kids and we play together sometimes in the front yard... away from the gators! Aria even brought me treats on Valentine's day... I cried! Haha! I'm just so thankful as I feel God speaking to my heart, "Caroline, I care about you and your need for friends." He cares and he's also jealous for my whole heart.

Sure, it's normal to want to have friends but when you put all your energy into finding the right friend, keeping the right friend, and having the right friend... there's a problem. Yes, my husband is increasingly becoming the best friend I'll ever have on this earth but God is my one true love. Oh, He's so good. I'm learning (for the first time, really) that God is and wants to be the best friend that I'll ever have. He's shaken me. Maybe it was the moment I met Jude. I met Jude and realized how big love could be. BIG. God's love is even bigger. I've heard people talk about "Jesus is my friend" and even sung the song about, "whaaat a friend we have in Jesus..." but somewhere in the past year I've learned that I haven't been a very good friend back. That's the truth. I'm not talking about legalism, I'm talking about putting the time and effort in to the friendship. Just like I would with an earthly friend, I need seek after, talk to, argue with, celebrate, praise, and love God. Bare, real, honest, intimate, laying everything aside, quality time with my creator, father, and almighty. It's precious time! Sounds so elementary but let me tell you, it's not. God graciously brought this devotional across my path to confirm to me just what I've been telling you about. (Click on that link and skip all my jibber jabber if you want) God asked me, and maybe He's asking you, "where is your focus, what do you need to move out of the way so you can focus on me?" He loves you!

A few points... well, I just can't shorten it. Just read the whole thing!

We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints, because of the hope laid up for you in heaven. (Colossians 1:3–5)

The problem with the church today is not that there are too many people who are passionately in love with heaven. The problem is not that professing Christians are retreating from the world, spending half their days reading Scripture and the other half singing about their pleasures in God all the while indifferent to the needs of the world.

The problem is that professing Christians are spending ten minutes reading Scripture and then half their day making money and the other half enjoying and repairing what they spend it on.

It is not heavenly-mindedness that hinders love. It is worldly-mindedness that hinders love, even when it is disguised by a religious routine on the weekend.

Where is the person whose heart is so passionately in love with the promised glory of heaven that he feels like an exile and a sojourner on the earth? Where is the person who has so tasted the beauty of the age to come that the diamonds of the world look like marbles, and the entertainment of the world is empty, and the moral causes of the world are too small because they have no view to eternity? Where is this person?

He is not in bondage to the Internet or eating or sleeping or drinking or partying or fishing or sailing or putzing around. He is a free man in a foreign land. And his one question is this: How can I maximize my enjoyment of God for all eternity while I am an exile on this earth? And his answer is always the same: by doing the labors of love.

Only one thing satisfies the heart whose treasure is in heaven: doing the works of heaven. And heaven is a world of love!

It is not the cords of heaven that bind the hands of love. It is the love of money and leisure and comfort and praise — these are the cords that bind the hands of love. And the power to sever these cords is Christian hope.

I say it again with all the conviction that lies within me: it is not heavenly-mindedness that hinders love on this earth. It is worldly-mindedness. And therefore the great fountain of love is the powerful, freeing confidence of Christian hope.

Since every blog needs an ending, I guess I should wrap it up. To close, here's a bagillion pictures of the past three months that I haven't recorded haha! Enjoy! God bless you!

We traveled to the Miami Zoo for Liam's birthday. It was quite an adventure!

Proof that Jude does cry and that he wears the same shirt multiple days in a row sometimes.

We are so spoiled with the beautiful weather down here! What a gift.

winded after our walk :)

Blake's sweet sister and momma came to visit back in January!

We gave him a few minutes of freedom from his bathing suit

hanging out :)

Blake and I made this for the Super Bowl... poor Broncos. Blake's still upset.

It's time for a haircut!

We had such a fun visit with friends from Tennessee, Tatum and Michael!

Xane and our creation!

We were able to travel to Tennessee in early March to lead the service and Belle Aire Baptist in Murfreesboro, TN. We were overjoyed to see our family and friends from all across the state!